Let's Break the Stigma Around Stage Fright

I spend a lot of time working with people who have stage fright, both in singing and in speaking. And there are SO many misunderstandings and unhelpful reactions when it comes to stage fright that we need to start breaking the stigma. So here are the three most common misconceptions, and what to do instead.

Misunderstanding 1: Stage fright is something to be ashamed of

Have you ever heard any of these, either from the depths of your own mind or from someone else?

"I am so stupid, why can't I do this?"

"That person has done it, what's the problem with you?"

"YOU have stage fright? HA!"

"As if you have stage fright, what a loser!"

"I am so awful at everything, it's no wonder I can't do it right"

"Everyone is going to see how bad I am at performing"

If or when you hear these comments, you automatically feel ashamed of your fear. And it happens so often that we treat it as normal, that stage fright is something that shouldn't happen. So we shame ourselves, and let others shame us into feeling worse. What a spiral to go down!

Here's the thing: stage fright is a perfectly natural reaction to a stressful situation. Your body and mind are clever enough to notice that a performance or presentation is potentially 'dangerous' (socially rather than physically) and so it sparks off your inner protection mechanism, your fight or flight reaction. This same mechanism has historically and genetically allowed your ancestors to survive. Your genetic code is primed to support you and help you to survive!

So let's break the stigma

If you are shaming yourself when stage fright hits, allow yourself to notice it but don't engage with it. Don't let it rouse your shame dialogue (you know, the one where that little voice tells you that you are stupid and ridiculous) and if it does, just catch it and say "Thanks very much for your help, but I can handle this" and allow that shame dialogue to fall back into the background.

If you notice it in someone else, share this post with them. Support them with kindness and without judgement until they too can stop the shame dialogue themselves. Sometimes it takes a village!

Misunderstanding 2: Stage fright can be cured by practising more

This misconception is so common in the clients I work with. They've been taught to think that practice is the only way to cope with stage fright. Do any of these sound familiar?

"I just need to practise one more time, even though I know it inside out"

"It's not good enough yet, I must practise more"

"Why can't you sing this in front of other people? You clearly don't know it yet. Go away and practise"

"You got that part wrong, do it again until you can't get it wrong!"

"You haven't practised enough, go and do it again!"

These comments are so common for singers who struggle with stage fright, and for teachers who don't know how to handle the problem. Take a moment to consider just how much shame and distrust is implied in those phrases. That it's implied you don't work hard enough, or that you don't trust your own hard work to support you.

And when it comes from a person you trust, or someone in a position of power, it burns more intensely, because your negative beliefs have now been reinforced by someone whose opinion you value. Any of this sound familiar?

So let's break the stigma

If you are telling yourself (or someone else) that you need to practise more, first examine your reasons why. If you can be confidently sure that you know what you are doing, then chances are you are well prepared. You now need to dial back on the practising, just keep it ticking over, and stop trying to micromanage it.

Instead, focus on other things you need for the performance or presentation. That could be practical things like clothes and transport, or it might be a calming technique you can use beforehand, like a breathing exercise or an epic dance session to work off the excess adrenaline. Always ask yourself 'what else do I need', instead of just practising more.

Misunderstanding 3: You have to push past the fear to perform confidently

I can almost guarantee that at some point in your life or career, you've either said something like this to yourself, or someone else has said it to you:

"Fake it till you make it!"

"You have to perform to get over the fear!"

"I need to just go out and do it, then I will feel confident"

"You just need to suck it up!"

"Once you get the first one out of the way you'll be fine!"

I think we've all heard variations of these when we've admitted to struggling with confidence or being afraid of a situation. Whilst I agree that taking action is the antidote to fear, sometimes holding your breath and pushing past the fear isn't the answer. It's like trying to get past a roadblock only to encounter more problems ahead. Sometimes you have to take a slightly longer route to get to your final destination.

Dismissing fears such as stage fright can cause them to be temporarily repressed. But the more often and the harder you work to avoid the fear and anxiety, the more it's going to come back to bite you. And trust me, it will come back and bite you!

So let's break the stigma

When you tell yourself that you just need to suck it up or ignore your fears, take a moment to examine why. It might be worth it in the short term to get you through a performance, but then you need to revisit it. Otherwise, the next time you are in a similar situation, your body will react the same way, potentially even more intensely, and the cycle continues.

Consider ways you can face these fears head-on, without repressing or pushing them away, or ignoring what you are feeling completely. That might be journaling, or doing a breathwork exercise, allowing the feelings to stay with you and then flow out of you. It might mean working with a coach on a 1:1 basis until you can handle it yourself. Whichever path you choose, I want you to work WITH your stage fright instead of AGAINST it. It will be worth it in the long run!

Let's break the stigma together.

Ready to work on this together?

If you're ready to stop letting stage fright call the shots, I'd love to help. Book a free discovery call and let's talk about what's going on for you.

Read These Next